Sometimes just when you think you have life figured out and things are going smoothly...wham! In comes a curve ball out of nowhere and hits you on the bridge of your nose. The hardest part to hold onto is that somewhere in the great equation of life you have contributed to that very curve ball being thrown in your direction.
You throw your bat down, you spin around uncontrollably and then spit on the ground as if you've been poisoned and your trying to get all of the anger, fear, and pain out of your system and God help those who are near you or within earshot because you have just unleashed the fury of all fury. Then as it always does the calm and silence follow and settle in and you are left with your own thoughts, feelings, and pain. You are saddled with this heavy blanket called wonder. You wonder why you are in this situation, you wonder why me, you wonder why now, and if you are fortunate enough to get far enough in this stage you eventually come around to wondering what your part was in the whole episode.
It's only when we look within ourselves and stop blaming the people and world around us that we are going to make any progress. When the fury is flying and your at your not so best, are you conscious of your words or are you coming from pure raw emotion? I know that it depends who I am engaging with. It used to be confrontation of any sorts sent me into a tail spin and now I am making some progress, I only reach the most unflattering stage with those who I hold closest to my heart. When I was a young child I never could understand how people could become so angry with the ones they loved the most and now I'm living it, trying to break the cycle and it hurts! BUT there is always a silver lining and the mere fact that you are conscience of loosing your control means that you are well on the way to growing and changing and remembering the true you that has always been in there inside waiting like a bench warmer for their day to come up into the sunlight from the dugout and know that it is really their time to play.
