So a new friend lent me a book last week. It is by the same author who wrote 'The Secret'. It's all about taking care of yourself in the most extreme sense of the word. It is set up as a twelve month process for do gooders, and people pleasers, who often neglect themselves and give all that they have in emotion, physical effort, and material goods to those that they feel are in need. The problem is that when people give more than their share they often leave themselves in need not living a balanced life. This book is aimed to bring life back into balance through extreme care for do gooders.
I was reading it yesterday and came to the second chapter. The author had made an appearance on Oprah with two other guests and the advice from another was to look in the mirror everyday or anytime you happen to catch your reflection in something shiny and to literally say, "I love you." Wow, how awkward would this be. She said that you should do this every time you catch yourself for an entire month and to make sure you are looking yourself deep in the eye. At first self judgment will be in the forefront and it will be hard to accomplish this task but keep at it. Look past your new emerging wrinkles and sun spots and try to connect with your inner self. As you repeat the process you will be able to connect simultaneously and will begin to notice changes in your behavior towards yourself and others.
In one of my earliest sessions with a counselor, in my early twenties, it came out that every time I saw my own reflection I would repeat over and over that "I hate you, I hate you". When it came out in the session I was in shock and in disbelief and then I broke into tears. Not only was I saying these horrible words to myself each and every day in the mirror I was saying them to my inner child. It wasn't my self in the now that I was talking to it was the little girl that I was and would literally see her reflection in the mirror looking back at me. How powerful was this realization and what a window to my current situation and trends of working for "Dad Like" bosses who were quick to judge and manipulate me to benefit their businesses. I have a gift in business and people were quick to seize upon it even before I was aware of my own talents and abilities.
So day one of my experiment to stop loathing myself and as hard as it might be to start loving myself and recognizing the positives in my life. There are many and I am very fortunate. I am going to try to record the subtle changes as I begin this tedious task. It really makes me nausea thinking about what's ahead and the change that I am trying to make in my life. But I know that it will benefit not only me but my family and most importantly my children. I have broken some of the cycles of abuse but there are still many things to work through to reach my full potential. Ever since I was little there was something inside of me wanting to be larger than life. When I've been in front of large audiences doing lectures or radio shows I light up like a Christmas Tree. I used to talk about marketing and business development and give seminars on branding. When I was on radio as a co-host we were heard all over the country. Our show was an infomercial for our line of products and while it was fun and exciting at the time it just doesn't seem to have the same appeal now. Your guess is as good as mine what is next and if it will be business related or not.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Commando Crawling
Two summers ago, Libs broke her arm and we had a waterproof cast put on her little wing. She was all of two years old and ready to take on the world. We were devastated to find out she had indeed broken her elbow and felt horrible. We knew what obstacles laid ahead for her during the summer with her new cast. She on the other hand had no idea that it could have been a major set back for her.
When we are ignorant of our situation that lies just ahead it is much easier for us to leave fear at the door. It is with a much lighter heart that when faced with an everyday challenge we will find a smooth way around the obstacle when we are blind to the fact that it is only the tip of the iceberg. I remember this day at the beach. The sky was bright blue and clear and the tide pools left behind were warm and filled with marvelous creatures. Anna had found the hugest snail I had ever seen, almost prehistoric in nature.
Libs played up to the older children and delighted in splashing in the pools and when she needed a closer look got down on her belly and used the weight of her cast in a comando crawl movement to pull her through the shallow waters. She used her cast as a leverage and never once considered it a hindrance.
That day with our two families will go down in my book as one of the most peaceful enjoyable days at the beach that I've ever experienced. It also sets itself apart as a huge life lesson to me. Next time I find myself in unfamiliar territory, faced with a new challenge or obstacle I'm going to try to stay open to the experience rather than closing up like a clam bracing myself for a typhoon that may never come.
Committing
My Dad told me to write everyday. Just sit down and write and not worry about what. The irony being that my Dad passed away nearly fifteen years ago. So here I sit postponing the thought of writing everyday, it's been weeks and I can't seem to shake Joe's voice. Joe is a medium who lives locally. I know, I know, I know what you're thinking and no I'm not psychic by any means but however one of my closest friends does not believe in spiritual conveyors of messages from beyond.
I am in a major state of limbo in my life. My business just ended, it is going bankrupt and instead of having a million and one things to do I have systematically pulled away from every community service project group and foundation that I joined in the busiest time of my life. I've decided that it all comes down to my fear of committing to something. I committed myself to the growth and building of The Little Hat Company with huge plans of how it would reach out and help in the community as it grew older and larger. Four years into this plan we had to pull the plug. The toy stores plunged us into a dark abyss of debt and I was the one holding the financial reigns. The hats ironically enough would have been able to continue if it was not for the debt accumulated from the inventory of the stores and the credit card rates choking us that were intended to finance the beginning of a wonderful business and legacy. I accept full responsibility and offer a nod of politeness when people approach me and apologize for the economy and the lead law. Yes they outside circumstances affected the ending of our business but honestly it was my nativity of how business is handled that was our greatest downfall. I am hopefully was a "yes" - "good girl" - people pleaser who honestly believed that if you did what you thought was right everything would end up peachy in the end.
So here's where I am.... I could continue disassociating with community groups, family, friends, and neighbors and literally hide out for a few years in my role as wife and mom of three. My house could use a huge bleaching, my gardens a total makeover, and I have enough fabric leftover to make a few dozen quilts for the needy or I could take some advice from my father who passed away years ago from his inability to commit to his own future and belief in hope. Sit down and write every day. Joe had revealed a bunch of interesting tidbits of the direction I am heading and I thought that in stead of committing them to memory I would capture them in "A Fresh Perspective". Cathie giggles every time she mentions this blog. I'm not sure why other than she is one my inner circle who truly gets who I am. We are a bit of carbon copy her and I except for the way she has been able to master the method of finding joy in her everyday life and then spreading with ease to those around her. She is a good bean.
So with my apologies to my sister christian, who I adore here is my attempt to begin writing everyday with a summary of Joe's messages brought forth primarily from my deceased dad, maternal grandmother ( Grammie Blackburn) and a man name Joseph who I am yet to identify.
The first message: Dad's at peace.
This is a huge statement in itself. We grew up with a very determined man who could fix anything, would help anyone in need, and able to grow his own business from scratch to support a family of seven. He was born in the Depression and was farmed out to a Polish family after his mother died when he was five. His father was a truckdriver and he married their housekeeper who had been widowed. My dad was a sailor in the US Navy and traveled the world bringing with him slides that haven't been watched in decades. He found my mom in church, got her pregnant and began the tumultuous story of the Parker Family.
After years and years of paranoia, self pity, anger management issues, and abusive behavior he took his own life less than a year after my mother divorced him. They had been married for 39 years and together had been responsible for creating five lives, and 11 grandchildren. When my father took his life we each took on a piece of guilt pie for our own burden but perhaps my mom took on the largest slice. When I sat down at Joe's table the first message was that my father's death wasn't my mother's fault. It was stemmed from the emptiness that was created from the early loss of his mother, Mabel Townsend.
The next part is hard for me to understand or grasp. Joe tried to explain that the hurt feelings and anxieties that I have housed in my life somehow originate with my dad's grandmother, Anna Townsend. I'm reading my notes and all that I scrawled was "Anna Townsend, closing chapter of book".
Wow this is really fun reading material, especially if you haven't already been exposed to the inner workings of Jen Houghton. So all of this to say that I have no idea what is next for me in the direct future. Yes I hear loud and clear that I am supposed to write, I like to write, but have no sense of what I should write about.
Joe mentioned that I would be writing a book about two little girls. (Anna and Libby?) it seems so cliche at the moment and he also mentioned that I would be transitioning to the film and movie industry somehow. The piece of information I was truly looking for was that I would be starting my next business in July of 2011. Yikes that seemed like such a long time in between gigs but as I sit here in my fuzzy pajamas it is making a lot of sense. Here are the interesting tidbits he included with that information... In two years I would be moving out of the state of Maine, my girls would be well adjusted to their new school and lives, the business I start will be focused in California and green of nature - he saw a waterfall ( Sue forgive me as I ramble).
One thing that touched me was that Joe had picked up on two very special friendships that I have made as a direct result of starting Little Hat. He knew one of their names and said we will be lifelong friends. That makes me VERY happy. He also picked up on Pie Club - he mentioned all of the empty pie shells surrounding me lately. Pie Club is another subject for another day. He talked about my two new friends and also brought up breast cancer being around us. Thankfully as a team we do the avon walk for breast cancer every year. BUT the most touching piece of information he gave me about these friendships is that we became so close through the Little Hat experience because we learned with our hearts. This is true.
My gramma Blackburn, aka Peg, came through saying how much she adores Anna with the chubby cheeks and that she is watching over her. My Dad also let it be known that Aaron is very strong and will accomplish great things in life - Aaron gets Lew Parker's seal of approval. Aaron was one when my dad took his own life.
Alright so enough rambling for day one of my committing to write everyday. Anna is staying home and has requested my presence next to her on the couch. She is toast and needs a day to catch up. I love my children more than the whole wide universe and I'm thankful for the many gifts they have been given. Now it's my job to make sure that I don't mess them up so they can carry out their life experiences without too many hangups.
Thank you James for your day to day guidance!
I am in a major state of limbo in my life. My business just ended, it is going bankrupt and instead of having a million and one things to do I have systematically pulled away from every community service project group and foundation that I joined in the busiest time of my life. I've decided that it all comes down to my fear of committing to something. I committed myself to the growth and building of The Little Hat Company with huge plans of how it would reach out and help in the community as it grew older and larger. Four years into this plan we had to pull the plug. The toy stores plunged us into a dark abyss of debt and I was the one holding the financial reigns. The hats ironically enough would have been able to continue if it was not for the debt accumulated from the inventory of the stores and the credit card rates choking us that were intended to finance the beginning of a wonderful business and legacy. I accept full responsibility and offer a nod of politeness when people approach me and apologize for the economy and the lead law. Yes they outside circumstances affected the ending of our business but honestly it was my nativity of how business is handled that was our greatest downfall. I am hopefully was a "yes" - "good girl" - people pleaser who honestly believed that if you did what you thought was right everything would end up peachy in the end.
So here's where I am.... I could continue disassociating with community groups, family, friends, and neighbors and literally hide out for a few years in my role as wife and mom of three. My house could use a huge bleaching, my gardens a total makeover, and I have enough fabric leftover to make a few dozen quilts for the needy or I could take some advice from my father who passed away years ago from his inability to commit to his own future and belief in hope. Sit down and write every day. Joe had revealed a bunch of interesting tidbits of the direction I am heading and I thought that in stead of committing them to memory I would capture them in "A Fresh Perspective". Cathie giggles every time she mentions this blog. I'm not sure why other than she is one my inner circle who truly gets who I am. We are a bit of carbon copy her and I except for the way she has been able to master the method of finding joy in her everyday life and then spreading with ease to those around her. She is a good bean.
So with my apologies to my sister christian, who I adore here is my attempt to begin writing everyday with a summary of Joe's messages brought forth primarily from my deceased dad, maternal grandmother ( Grammie Blackburn) and a man name Joseph who I am yet to identify.
The first message: Dad's at peace.
This is a huge statement in itself. We grew up with a very determined man who could fix anything, would help anyone in need, and able to grow his own business from scratch to support a family of seven. He was born in the Depression and was farmed out to a Polish family after his mother died when he was five. His father was a truckdriver and he married their housekeeper who had been widowed. My dad was a sailor in the US Navy and traveled the world bringing with him slides that haven't been watched in decades. He found my mom in church, got her pregnant and began the tumultuous story of the Parker Family.
After years and years of paranoia, self pity, anger management issues, and abusive behavior he took his own life less than a year after my mother divorced him. They had been married for 39 years and together had been responsible for creating five lives, and 11 grandchildren. When my father took his life we each took on a piece of guilt pie for our own burden but perhaps my mom took on the largest slice. When I sat down at Joe's table the first message was that my father's death wasn't my mother's fault. It was stemmed from the emptiness that was created from the early loss of his mother, Mabel Townsend.
The next part is hard for me to understand or grasp. Joe tried to explain that the hurt feelings and anxieties that I have housed in my life somehow originate with my dad's grandmother, Anna Townsend. I'm reading my notes and all that I scrawled was "Anna Townsend, closing chapter of book".
Wow this is really fun reading material, especially if you haven't already been exposed to the inner workings of Jen Houghton. So all of this to say that I have no idea what is next for me in the direct future. Yes I hear loud and clear that I am supposed to write, I like to write, but have no sense of what I should write about.
Joe mentioned that I would be writing a book about two little girls. (Anna and Libby?) it seems so cliche at the moment and he also mentioned that I would be transitioning to the film and movie industry somehow. The piece of information I was truly looking for was that I would be starting my next business in July of 2011. Yikes that seemed like such a long time in between gigs but as I sit here in my fuzzy pajamas it is making a lot of sense. Here are the interesting tidbits he included with that information... In two years I would be moving out of the state of Maine, my girls would be well adjusted to their new school and lives, the business I start will be focused in California and green of nature - he saw a waterfall ( Sue forgive me as I ramble).
One thing that touched me was that Joe had picked up on two very special friendships that I have made as a direct result of starting Little Hat. He knew one of their names and said we will be lifelong friends. That makes me VERY happy. He also picked up on Pie Club - he mentioned all of the empty pie shells surrounding me lately. Pie Club is another subject for another day. He talked about my two new friends and also brought up breast cancer being around us. Thankfully as a team we do the avon walk for breast cancer every year. BUT the most touching piece of information he gave me about these friendships is that we became so close through the Little Hat experience because we learned with our hearts. This is true.
My gramma Blackburn, aka Peg, came through saying how much she adores Anna with the chubby cheeks and that she is watching over her. My Dad also let it be known that Aaron is very strong and will accomplish great things in life - Aaron gets Lew Parker's seal of approval. Aaron was one when my dad took his own life.
Alright so enough rambling for day one of my committing to write everyday. Anna is staying home and has requested my presence next to her on the couch. She is toast and needs a day to catch up. I love my children more than the whole wide universe and I'm thankful for the many gifts they have been given. Now it's my job to make sure that I don't mess them up so they can carry out their life experiences without too many hangups.
Thank you James for your day to day guidance!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Everyday
There is something maddening about everyday if you stop and allow yourself to think about it for too long. For me not being the greatest housekeeper in the world I find myself thinking about the things that I should be doing everyday in my house: laundry, floors, dishes, beds, meals, yard work, etc...all the absolutely mundane items that just don't do it for me. It gets worse when I think about them not being done every single day like they are "supposed" to be.
Then I look at my son who is 15 and realize that helping him brush his teeth everyday and reading with him everyday before bed is really not as long as I once thought it was. And now as Anna is getting older and wants to do her own her and pick out her own clothes, everyday is slipping away even faster than it did with Aaron. For me having my children so spread out entitles me to a sigh of relief when I know that Lib still needs me for most of her routine everyday. Somehow today I was able to catch up on housework and as I sit here typing I'm not feeling the guilt of an untidy house. The dishes are away, the laundry is spinning in the dryer, and the vacuum cleaner actually made an appearance.
Life provides us with many little hiccups to carry us through the everyday. It takes the focus off the mundane just in the nick of time when we are feeling as though we can't endure it any longer. For me this is all new. I'm used to running at 150 miles trying to balance a growing business, three children and their activities, meals, household, and gardens. Everyday actually seems kind of unique to me right now and I'm feeling good about growing some roots and settling in for a while. All of the Christmas ornaments made their way up from the basement and our traditional second tree has once again appeared due to the loss of the store at Christmas Time.
There is something inside of me that knows this is not going to be my life forever. I know that there will be another business in the future that will more likely than not bring the fast paced, break neck speed that we endured and relished for the past four years but for now it is awful nice sitting here typing at 9:00 pm in my fuzzy pants and not worrying about payroll, production, budget, or marketing while making sure my kids have what they need from me. I always know when my new ventures are just around the corner. I get very antsy and look for it everywhere I go and in everyone I meet. It's peaceful knowing that we already have our team established and we're just kind of riding it out until the perfect wave comes along and our kids get just a little bit older.
Everyday I will try to enjoy where I am when I am knowing that something will come along and break up the repetitive rhythm.
Then I look at my son who is 15 and realize that helping him brush his teeth everyday and reading with him everyday before bed is really not as long as I once thought it was. And now as Anna is getting older and wants to do her own her and pick out her own clothes, everyday is slipping away even faster than it did with Aaron. For me having my children so spread out entitles me to a sigh of relief when I know that Lib still needs me for most of her routine everyday. Somehow today I was able to catch up on housework and as I sit here typing I'm not feeling the guilt of an untidy house. The dishes are away, the laundry is spinning in the dryer, and the vacuum cleaner actually made an appearance.
Life provides us with many little hiccups to carry us through the everyday. It takes the focus off the mundane just in the nick of time when we are feeling as though we can't endure it any longer. For me this is all new. I'm used to running at 150 miles trying to balance a growing business, three children and their activities, meals, household, and gardens. Everyday actually seems kind of unique to me right now and I'm feeling good about growing some roots and settling in for a while. All of the Christmas ornaments made their way up from the basement and our traditional second tree has once again appeared due to the loss of the store at Christmas Time.
There is something inside of me that knows this is not going to be my life forever. I know that there will be another business in the future that will more likely than not bring the fast paced, break neck speed that we endured and relished for the past four years but for now it is awful nice sitting here typing at 9:00 pm in my fuzzy pants and not worrying about payroll, production, budget, or marketing while making sure my kids have what they need from me. I always know when my new ventures are just around the corner. I get very antsy and look for it everywhere I go and in everyone I meet. It's peaceful knowing that we already have our team established and we're just kind of riding it out until the perfect wave comes along and our kids get just a little bit older.
Everyday I will try to enjoy where I am when I am knowing that something will come along and break up the repetitive rhythm.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Owning Up
It's easy to know our strengths in life. It's the feeling we get when we react to drives or urges within ourselves to move forward in a specific direction. I love the energy created when you take an idea and begin saying it out loud and sharing, building, and cultivating it with yourself and sometimes others until it is a concrete thing. For me this has come in many forms - it has been a garden, a book, a quilt, a room decorated in a new way and many times it has been a business. It's hard to put into words what I do best. My sister is in Finance, my brother an engineer, my other sister a programmer, my dad was a master plumber, and my mom always took care of his book and household finances. When I was in my twenties and a part of the Internet/Technology Boom my siblings would joke with me that they could never understand what I did or what my profession was and it kind of burned. But honestly I'm not sure even I can label it much further than entrepreneur who majors in marketing/business development.
So here I sit in my late thirties wishing I knew specifically what I am supposed to be doing as an adult. Yes I've started business and built brand recognition and seized upon many a unique opportunity for growth but what am I? Who am I? What do I see myself doing in the future and does it really matter? I know how I can make a very large salary working for someone else but when I was smack dab in the middle of sales/business development it made me nausea to go to work each day. That can't possibly be what I'm supposed to be doing in life.
I've grown a lot in the past three years. I've shedded a lot of insecurities and untruths about myself that I've held on to since my childhood. I've grown in a different direction from my siblings and it hurts. I would love for my family to be what I thought it once was but sometimes family hurts. It's no one's fault or malicious intent and after spending the weekend with my mom I'm owning up to a few things that I seemed to have overlooked and been ignoring for some time.
My pet peeve is judgment, whether found in the church, politics, education system, or in your neighborhood but in the profound words of Michael Jackson "If you want to make this world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change". The greatest change comes from the differences you are able to affect in yourself. I have been in a state of judgement my whole life of those people and situations around me. I have been confusing forgiveness with the ability to trust and befriend. Forgiveness is a state of being that exist within yourself and not a golden ticket to let something or someone back into your life. As I began this blog, there was a ring at our doorbell when we don't usually have visitors. It was a gift and a long conversation that led to a reaffirmation of what it means to forgive and what it means to move on. Owning up to your own stuff in life is not a submission of guilt but more of a commitment of knowing that what bothers you most in life is something most likely that you need to grow from.
I used to divide my life into sections: family, friends, business, and hobbies. Now I know this is not possible. It is from these different activities, obligations, and drives in which it is highlighted what about us as individuals needs the most attention or help. The people and activities in our life are a web woven together and are affected continuously by one another. The simple analogies in life that we grow up with are host the most meaning. A single grain of rice will tip the scale, the ripples of a single drop of water, one seed planted leads to a forest, etc, blah blah blah...what I'm starting to know and own that in life it is the simplest ideas and beliefs that often deliver the most punch and its our gut that holds us accountable. If we react with strong emotion to something that is uncomfortable than it is our own self telling us to bring out that mirror and take a closer look. Just remember that we are human and we are going to make mistakes. I'm making more than my own fair share right now and it's not the grand glorious feeling I had as Little Hat was climbing at a fast rate but let me tell you that what I'm learning and going through is teaching me far more about myself and who I do want to be in the future and for that I am thankful.
So here I sit in my late thirties wishing I knew specifically what I am supposed to be doing as an adult. Yes I've started business and built brand recognition and seized upon many a unique opportunity for growth but what am I? Who am I? What do I see myself doing in the future and does it really matter? I know how I can make a very large salary working for someone else but when I was smack dab in the middle of sales/business development it made me nausea to go to work each day. That can't possibly be what I'm supposed to be doing in life.
I've grown a lot in the past three years. I've shedded a lot of insecurities and untruths about myself that I've held on to since my childhood. I've grown in a different direction from my siblings and it hurts. I would love for my family to be what I thought it once was but sometimes family hurts. It's no one's fault or malicious intent and after spending the weekend with my mom I'm owning up to a few things that I seemed to have overlooked and been ignoring for some time.
My pet peeve is judgment, whether found in the church, politics, education system, or in your neighborhood but in the profound words of Michael Jackson "If you want to make this world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change". The greatest change comes from the differences you are able to affect in yourself. I have been in a state of judgement my whole life of those people and situations around me. I have been confusing forgiveness with the ability to trust and befriend. Forgiveness is a state of being that exist within yourself and not a golden ticket to let something or someone back into your life. As I began this blog, there was a ring at our doorbell when we don't usually have visitors. It was a gift and a long conversation that led to a reaffirmation of what it means to forgive and what it means to move on. Owning up to your own stuff in life is not a submission of guilt but more of a commitment of knowing that what bothers you most in life is something most likely that you need to grow from.
I used to divide my life into sections: family, friends, business, and hobbies. Now I know this is not possible. It is from these different activities, obligations, and drives in which it is highlighted what about us as individuals needs the most attention or help. The people and activities in our life are a web woven together and are affected continuously by one another. The simple analogies in life that we grow up with are host the most meaning. A single grain of rice will tip the scale, the ripples of a single drop of water, one seed planted leads to a forest, etc, blah blah blah...what I'm starting to know and own that in life it is the simplest ideas and beliefs that often deliver the most punch and its our gut that holds us accountable. If we react with strong emotion to something that is uncomfortable than it is our own self telling us to bring out that mirror and take a closer look. Just remember that we are human and we are going to make mistakes. I'm making more than my own fair share right now and it's not the grand glorious feeling I had as Little Hat was climbing at a fast rate but let me tell you that what I'm learning and going through is teaching me far more about myself and who I do want to be in the future and for that I am thankful.
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