So a new friend lent me a book last week. It is by the same author who wrote 'The Secret'. It's all about taking care of yourself in the most extreme sense of the word. It is set up as a twelve month process for do gooders, and people pleasers, who often neglect themselves and give all that they have in emotion, physical effort, and material goods to those that they feel are in need. The problem is that when people give more than their share they often leave themselves in need not living a balanced life. This book is aimed to bring life back into balance through extreme care for do gooders.
I was reading it yesterday and came to the second chapter. The author had made an appearance on Oprah with two other guests and the advice from another was to look in the mirror everyday or anytime you happen to catch your reflection in something shiny and to literally say, "I love you." Wow, how awkward would this be. She said that you should do this every time you catch yourself for an entire month and to make sure you are looking yourself deep in the eye. At first self judgment will be in the forefront and it will be hard to accomplish this task but keep at it. Look past your new emerging wrinkles and sun spots and try to connect with your inner self. As you repeat the process you will be able to connect simultaneously and will begin to notice changes in your behavior towards yourself and others.
In one of my earliest sessions with a counselor, in my early twenties, it came out that every time I saw my own reflection I would repeat over and over that "I hate you, I hate you". When it came out in the session I was in shock and in disbelief and then I broke into tears. Not only was I saying these horrible words to myself each and every day in the mirror I was saying them to my inner child. It wasn't my self in the now that I was talking to it was the little girl that I was and would literally see her reflection in the mirror looking back at me. How powerful was this realization and what a window to my current situation and trends of working for "Dad Like" bosses who were quick to judge and manipulate me to benefit their businesses. I have a gift in business and people were quick to seize upon it even before I was aware of my own talents and abilities.
So day one of my experiment to stop loathing myself and as hard as it might be to start loving myself and recognizing the positives in my life. There are many and I am very fortunate. I am going to try to record the subtle changes as I begin this tedious task. It really makes me nausea thinking about what's ahead and the change that I am trying to make in my life. But I know that it will benefit not only me but my family and most importantly my children. I have broken some of the cycles of abuse but there are still many things to work through to reach my full potential. Ever since I was little there was something inside of me wanting to be larger than life. When I've been in front of large audiences doing lectures or radio shows I light up like a Christmas Tree. I used to talk about marketing and business development and give seminars on branding. When I was on radio as a co-host we were heard all over the country. Our show was an infomercial for our line of products and while it was fun and exciting at the time it just doesn't seem to have the same appeal now. Your guess is as good as mine what is next and if it will be business related or not.
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