What do you see in the mirror?

So a new friend lent me a book last week. It is by the same author who wrote 'The Secret'. It's all about taking care of yourself in the most extreme sense of the word. It is set up as a twelve month process for do gooders, and people pleasers, who often neglect themselves and give all that they have in emotion, physical effort, and material goods to those that they feel are in need. The problem is that when people give more than their share they often leave themselves in need not living a balanced life. This book is aimed to bring life back into balance through extreme care for do gooders.

I was reading it yesterday and came to the second chapter. The author had made an appearance on Oprah with two other guests and the advice from another was to look in the mirror everyday or anytime you happen to catch your reflection in something shiny and to literally say, "I love you." Wow, how awkward would this be. She said that you should do this every time you catch yourself for an entire month and to make sure you are looking yourself deep in the eye. At first self judgment will be in the forefront and it will be hard to accomplish this task but keep at it. Look past your new emerging wrinkles and sun spots and try to connect with your inner self. As you repeat the process you will be able to connect simultaneously and will begin to notice changes in your behavior towards yourself and others.

In one of my earliest sessions with a counselor, in my early twenties, it came out that every time I saw my own reflection I would repeat over and over that "I hate you, I hate you". When it came out in the session I was in shock and in disbelief and then I broke into tears. Not only was I saying these horrible words to myself each and every day in the mirror I was saying them to my inner child. It wasn't my self in the now that I was talking to it was the little girl that I was and would literally see her reflection in the mirror looking back at me. How powerful was this realization and what a window to my current situation and trends of working for "Dad Like" bosses who were quick to judge and manipulate me to benefit their businesses. I have a gift in business and people were quick to seize upon it even before I was aware of my own talents and abilities.

So day one of my experiment to stop loathing myself and as hard as it might be to start loving myself and recognizing the positives in my life. There are many and I am very fortunate. I am going to try to record the subtle changes as I begin this tedious task. It really makes me nausea thinking about what's ahead and the change that I am trying to make in my life. But I know that it will benefit not only me but my family and most importantly my children. I have broken some of the cycles of abuse but there are still many things to work through to reach my full potential. Ever since I was little there was something inside of me wanting to be larger than life. When I've been in front of large audiences doing lectures or radio shows I light up like a Christmas Tree. I used to talk about marketing and business development and give seminars on branding. When I was on radio as a co-host we were heard all over the country. Our show was an infomercial for our line of products and while it was fun and exciting at the time it just doesn't seem to have the same appeal now. Your guess is as good as mine what is next and if it will be business related or not.

Commando Crawling

Two summers ago, Libs broke her arm and we had a waterproof cast put on her little wing. She was all of two years old and ready to take on the world. We were devastated to find out she had indeed broken her elbow and felt horrible. We knew what obstacles laid ahead for her during the summer with her new cast. She on the other hand had no idea that it could have been a major set back for her.

When we are ignorant of our situation that lies just ahead it is much easier for us to leave fear at the door. It is with a much lighter heart that when faced with an everyday challenge we will find a smooth way around the obstacle when we are blind to the fact that it is only the tip of the iceberg. I remember this day at the beach. The sky was bright blue and clear and the tide pools left behind were warm and filled with marvelous creatures. Anna had found the hugest snail I had ever seen, almost prehistoric in nature.



Libs played up to the older children and delighted in splashing in the pools and when she needed a closer look got down on her belly and used the weight of her cast in a comando crawl movement to pull her through the shallow waters. She used her cast as a leverage and never once considered it a hindrance.

That day with our two families will go down in my book as one of the most peaceful enjoyable days at the beach that I've ever experienced. It also sets itself apart as a huge life lesson to me. Next time I find myself in unfamiliar territory, faced with a new challenge or obstacle I'm going to try to stay open to the experience rather than closing up like a clam bracing myself for a typhoon that may never come.

Committing

My Dad told me to write everyday. Just sit down and write and not worry about what. The irony being that my Dad passed away nearly fifteen years ago. So here I sit postponing the thought of writing everyday, it's been weeks and I can't seem to shake Joe's voice. Joe is a medium who lives locally. I know, I know, I know what you're thinking and no I'm not psychic by any means but however one of my closest friends does not believe in spiritual conveyors of messages from beyond.


I am in a major state of limbo in my life. My business just ended, it is going bankrupt and instead of having a million and one things to do I have systematically pulled away from every community service project group and foundation that I joined in the busiest time of my life. I've decided that it all comes down to my fear of committing to something. I committed myself to the growth and building of The Little Hat Company with huge plans of how it would reach out and help in the community as it grew older and larger. Four years into this plan we had to pull the plug. The toy stores plunged us into a dark abyss of debt and I was the one holding the financial reigns. The hats ironically enough would have been able to continue if it was not for the debt accumulated from the inventory of the stores and the credit card rates choking us that were intended to finance the beginning of a wonderful business and legacy. I accept full responsibility and offer a nod of politeness when people approach me and apologize for the economy and the lead law. Yes they outside circumstances affected the ending of our business but honestly it was my nativity of how business is handled that was our greatest downfall. I am hopefully was a "yes" - "good girl" - people pleaser who honestly believed that if you did what you thought was right everything would end up peachy in the end.

So here's where I am.... I could continue disassociating with community groups, family, friends, and neighbors and literally hide out for a few years in my role as wife and mom of three. My house could use a huge bleaching, my gardens a total makeover, and I have enough fabric leftover to make a few dozen quilts for the needy or I could take some advice from my father who passed away years ago from his inability to commit to his own future and belief in hope. Sit down and write every day. Joe had revealed a bunch of interesting tidbits of the direction I am heading and I thought that in stead of committing them to memory I would capture them in "A Fresh Perspective". Cathie giggles every time she mentions this blog. I'm not sure why other than she is one my inner circle who truly gets who I am. We are a bit of carbon copy her and I except for the way she has been able to master the method of finding joy in her everyday life and then spreading with ease to those around her. She is a good bean.

So with my apologies to my sister christian, who I adore here is my attempt to begin writing everyday with a summary of Joe's messages brought forth primarily from my deceased dad, maternal grandmother ( Grammie Blackburn) and a man name Joseph who I am yet to identify.

The first message: Dad's at peace.

This is a huge statement in itself. We grew up with a very determined man who could fix anything, would help anyone in need, and able to grow his own business from scratch to support a family of seven. He was born in the Depression and was farmed out to a Polish family after his mother died when he was five. His father was a truckdriver and he married their housekeeper who had been widowed. My dad was a sailor in the US Navy and traveled the world bringing with him slides that haven't been watched in decades. He found my mom in church, got her pregnant and began the tumultuous story of the Parker Family.

After years and years of paranoia, self pity, anger management issues, and abusive behavior he took his own life less than a year after my mother divorced him. They had been married for 39 years and together had been responsible for creating five lives, and 11 grandchildren. When my father took his life we each took on a piece of guilt pie for our own burden but perhaps my mom took on the largest slice. When I sat down at Joe's table the first message was that my father's death wasn't my mother's fault. It was stemmed from the emptiness that was created from the early loss of his mother, Mabel Townsend.

The next part is hard for me to understand or grasp. Joe tried to explain that the hurt feelings and anxieties that I have housed in my life somehow originate with my dad's grandmother, Anna Townsend. I'm reading my notes and all that I scrawled was "Anna Townsend, closing chapter of book".


Wow this is really fun reading material, especially if you haven't already been exposed to the inner workings of Jen Houghton. So all of this to say that I have no idea what is next for me in the direct future. Yes I hear loud and clear that I am supposed to write, I like to write, but have no sense of what I should write about.

Joe mentioned that I would be writing a book about two little girls. (Anna and Libby?) it seems so cliche at the moment and he also mentioned that I would be transitioning to the film and movie industry somehow. The piece of information I was truly looking for was that I would be starting my next business in July of 2011. Yikes that seemed like such a long time in between gigs but as I sit here in my fuzzy pajamas it is making a lot of sense. Here are the interesting tidbits he included with that information... In two years I would be moving out of the state of Maine, my girls would be well adjusted to their new school and lives, the business I start will be focused in California and green of nature - he saw a waterfall ( Sue forgive me as I ramble).

One thing that touched me was that Joe had picked up on two very special friendships that I have made as a direct result of starting Little Hat. He knew one of their names and said we will be lifelong friends. That makes me VERY happy. He also picked up on Pie Club - he mentioned all of the empty pie shells surrounding me lately. Pie Club is another subject for another day. He talked about my two new friends and also brought up breast cancer being around us. Thankfully as a team we do the avon walk for breast cancer every year. BUT the most touching piece of information he gave me about these friendships is that we became so close through the Little Hat experience because we learned with our hearts. This is true.

My gramma Blackburn, aka Peg, came through saying how much she adores Anna with the chubby cheeks and that she is watching over her. My Dad also let it be known that Aaron is very strong and will accomplish great things in life - Aaron gets Lew Parker's seal of approval. Aaron was one when my dad took his own life.

Alright so enough rambling for day one of my committing to write everyday. Anna is staying home and has requested my presence next to her on the couch. She is toast and needs a day to catch up. I love my children more than the whole wide universe and I'm thankful for the many gifts they have been given. Now it's my job to make sure that I don't mess them up so they can carry out their life experiences without too many hangups.

Thank you James for your day to day guidance!

Everyday

There is something maddening about everyday if you stop and allow yourself to think about it for too long. For me not being the greatest housekeeper in the world I find myself thinking about the things that I should be doing everyday in my house: laundry, floors, dishes, beds, meals, yard work, etc...all the absolutely mundane items that just don't do it for me. It gets worse when I think about them not being done every single day like they are "supposed" to be.

Then I look at my son who is 15 and realize that helping him brush his teeth everyday and reading with him everyday before bed is really not as long as I once thought it was. And now as Anna is getting older and wants to do her own her and pick out her own clothes, everyday is slipping away even faster than it did with Aaron. For me having my children so spread out entitles me to a sigh of relief when I know that Lib still needs me for most of her routine everyday. Somehow today I was able to catch up on housework and as I sit here typing I'm not feeling the guilt of an untidy house. The dishes are away, the laundry is spinning in the dryer, and the vacuum cleaner actually made an appearance.

Life provides us with many little hiccups to carry us through the everyday. It takes the focus off the mundane just in the nick of time when we are feeling as though we can't endure it any longer. For me this is all new. I'm used to running at 150 miles trying to balance a growing business, three children and their activities, meals, household, and gardens. Everyday actually seems kind of unique to me right now and I'm feeling good about growing some roots and settling in for a while. All of the Christmas ornaments made their way up from the basement and our traditional second tree has once again appeared due to the loss of the store at Christmas Time.

There is something inside of me that knows this is not going to be my life forever. I know that there will be another business in the future that will more likely than not bring the fast paced, break neck speed that we endured and relished for the past four years but for now it is awful nice sitting here typing at 9:00 pm in my fuzzy pants and not worrying about payroll, production, budget, or marketing while making sure my kids have what they need from me. I always know when my new ventures are just around the corner. I get very antsy and look for it everywhere I go and in everyone I meet. It's peaceful knowing that we already have our team established and we're just kind of riding it out until the perfect wave comes along and our kids get just a little bit older.

Everyday I will try to enjoy where I am when I am knowing that something will come along and break up the repetitive rhythm.

Owning Up

It's easy to know our strengths in life. It's the feeling we get when we react to drives or urges within ourselves to move forward in a specific direction. I love the energy created when you take an idea and begin saying it out loud and sharing, building, and cultivating it with yourself and sometimes others until it is a concrete thing. For me this has come in many forms - it has been a garden, a book, a quilt, a room decorated in a new way and many times it has been a business. It's hard to put into words what I do best. My sister is in Finance, my brother an engineer, my other sister a programmer, my dad was a master plumber, and my mom always took care of his book and household finances. When I was in my twenties and a part of the Internet/Technology Boom my siblings would joke with me that they could never understand what I did or what my profession was and it kind of burned. But honestly I'm not sure even I can label it much further than entrepreneur who majors in marketing/business development.

So here I sit in my late thirties wishing I knew specifically what I am supposed to be doing as an adult. Yes I've started business and built brand recognition and seized upon many a unique opportunity for growth but what am I? Who am I? What do I see myself doing in the future and does it really matter? I know how I can make a very large salary working for someone else but when I was smack dab in the middle of sales/business development it made me nausea to go to work each day. That can't possibly be what I'm supposed to be doing in life.

I've grown a lot in the past three years. I've shedded a lot of insecurities and untruths about myself that I've held on to since my childhood. I've grown in a different direction from my siblings and it hurts. I would love for my family to be what I thought it once was but sometimes family hurts. It's no one's fault or malicious intent and after spending the weekend with my mom I'm owning up to a few things that I seemed to have overlooked and been ignoring for some time.

My pet peeve is judgment, whether found in the church, politics, education system, or in your neighborhood but in the profound words of Michael Jackson "If you want to make this world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change". The greatest change comes from the differences you are able to affect in yourself. I have been in a state of judgement my whole life of those people and situations around me. I have been confusing forgiveness with the ability to trust and befriend. Forgiveness is a state of being that exist within yourself and not a golden ticket to let something or someone back into your life. As I began this blog, there was a ring at our doorbell when we don't usually have visitors. It was a gift and a long conversation that led to a reaffirmation of what it means to forgive and what it means to move on. Owning up to your own stuff in life is not a submission of guilt but more of a commitment of knowing that what bothers you most in life is something most likely that you need to grow from.

I used to divide my life into sections: family, friends, business, and hobbies. Now I know this is not possible. It is from these different activities, obligations, and drives in which it is highlighted what about us as individuals needs the most attention or help. The people and activities in our life are a web woven together and are affected continuously by one another. The simple analogies in life that we grow up with are host the most meaning. A single grain of rice will tip the scale, the ripples of a single drop of water, one seed planted leads to a forest, etc, blah blah blah...what I'm starting to know and own that in life it is the simplest ideas and beliefs that often deliver the most punch and its our gut that holds us accountable. If we react with strong emotion to something that is uncomfortable than it is our own self telling us to bring out that mirror and take a closer look. Just remember that we are human and we are going to make mistakes. I'm making more than my own fair share right now and it's not the grand glorious feeling I had as Little Hat was climbing at a fast rate but let me tell you that what I'm learning and going through is teaching me far more about myself and who I do want to be in the future and for that I am thankful.

Make room for opportunity in your life

Is there something on your list that you keep putting off from finishing? Has it been there for a while? What is holding you back from picking up the task with both hands and plowing through it.

For me it's preparing the final taxes for The Little Hat Company. It's putting together the necessary paperwork to put the company to bed and be ready to move on to the next thing. Actually it is what I promised myself I would be doing at this moment that I am blogging. I know that I am in limbo until I finish this task. I know with my heart that there is no room for opportunity to come knocking in my life while this company's shell still sits at my desk and I'm still taking calls about the business. Why is it so hard to let some things go and others seem to just slip away on their own?

This past weekend was the service for my Step Dad. I met David when I was in junior high and he married my mom when Aaron turned two thirteen years ago. I felt like an observer for the day. I sat back quietly and watched our families interacting with guests and old friends. I had a very surreal feeling of peace. It wasn't on purpose that I wasn't engaging with everyone I just felt good sitting still and quiet.

David came home with hospice on Tuesday and died the following Monday. I feel grateful for the opportunity to be with him and my Mom for a few days during thate week. It was an awe inspiring experience full of patience, love, and peace. I truly felt more connected to God in this time of transition than ever before in my life. I felt as though I was being given a glimpse of something bigger and better in store for us all and a message to us that ultimately in the end everything works out. David spent the three days of the time I was there in and out of lucidity. Time was spent talking about what was on t.v., who was visiting, what he could have to eat, and how much he loved my mother. Than in an instant he would be talking to my father who passed away years ago, his first wife who passed from Cancer, and my Grandmother who had also passed. He brought forward messages, most of which we had such a hard time deciphering but others that were heard loud and clear. I saw my mother for the women I truly admire and love more than any other adult in this world. I saw her for putting her needs to the side to make sure that David felt comfortable and loved during his last days on Earth. She gave him her all and he appreciated it with loving words, and fearless attitude towards leaving her.

My mom had left to grab the mail and David said to me from his hospice bed, "Jen I'm screwed". I stood up from the puzzle we had set up next to his bedside and took his hand. I laid my head on the pillow next to his and asked him what he was talking about. He told me that the Ship was leaving soon and someone would have to drag him to the dock. His legs weren't working anymore. He was right they weren't working. I said , "David I'll drag you to the dock" and then thought better about what I had just said and changed my response,"David I won't drag you to the dock, I'll carry you on my back." His response was "That's Good" and then selfishly I said to him 'anyways David you're not screwed I am."

David turned his head towards me and said "Jen you're not screwed. Everything in life is working out for you. Just give it time."

I knew in my heart that what David was saying to me was a special gift. I knew as I spent time with him and he began getting more and more visitors from the other side that he was being prepared for a very special journey and I felt nothing but peace and happiness for him to be receiving these great gifts in the near future. He knew that my Mom was being left on Earth with lots of people that love her and respect her. David knew that we would all be taking care of my mom and in those days I witnessed a faith in David that I have never seen in anyone else. He carried such an immense level of trust and faith in his situation and that was what he was trying to impart to me and all of us before he left.

David I want you to know that I heard you and I own the gift you gave me last week. I own it knowing there will always be struggle and trials but ultimately we are given everything we need to make sure that it works out in the end. I believe David and I'm forever thankful for the opportunity to experience your final moments with you and my Mom. I also learned what we think is the most important thing in our life is something that we can give up when faced with our own truth if we are accepting. Being with David at the same time The Little Hat Company came to its final day gave me amazing perspective and knowledge of what is important in my life and what I need to do for my children.

Opportunity is always just around the corner - it's just waiting for you to make room in your life in order to accept it and embrace it.

Help Spread the Word - Local Economy is Booming

When you have the most fabulous idea you can't wait to share it with a friend. When you find a product that makes your life easier and even better brings a smile to your face you tell the moms at pick up and the person next to you in line at check out. When you feel as though you've been cheated or taken advantage of you tell your mom, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors, and even the postman. Why is it when we've been hurt we share it with the world but when we've been helped or given a gift we tell a precious few?

I'm proposing that we make a shift in how we respond to the people and world around us. Let's take on a new challenge. When something good is said or done and we are fortunate enough to be around it let's start sharing it. It's not bragging or gloating its helping to kick off a chain reaction of good. It can start off simple and then just as we plant seeds in business, spreading the word about good things it can have a HUGE beneficial impact on local business and economies. So here's what I propose:

Take one thing that you love from a local store and or business. It has to be something you truly love and can't get enough of. Begin bringing it up in conversation with friends and neighbors who would benefit from the knowledge. Make it your project for the week to see how many people you can spread the word to in your town. This is going to be mine. I've been going to Pepperland Cafe since we started building The Little Hat Company. There are two items on the menu that I order almost every time I go there. I can't get enough of them and always get at least one other person with me to try it. This week I am going to try to spread the word to as many people that I can about Pepperland's Crab Cakes and Tres Leches Cakes. Why? Because number one - they are by far the most scrumptious things I have ever tasted in my life. Have I told you that I have eaten in Paris, LA, NYC, across the Midwest, the Western Carribean, a cruise ship or two, and still by far Pepperland's Crab Cakes and Tres Leches are my personal favorites!!

I suggest you treat yourself and after the kids go to bed, get a sitter and venture down to Pepperland's for a piece of cake. Bring your husband/wife and while enjoying the creamy, moist, delicious cake with fresh berry ask them how their day was.

I can't wait to hear through the grapevine what your most favorite product or service is in South Berwick, Maine.

Decide what really matters the most to you.

Sometimes it takes a twist of fate or sudden unexpected change to challenge our beliefs about what really matters the most to us. It is easy to get caught up in the flow of life with those around you. But every once in a while drop anchor and take a good look around you. Take yourself out of the race for a day and look inward to question if you are where you really want to be. A start up company can catch on fire like dry timber and easily grow out of control. Make sure that you are a part of the journey and not just along for the ride. Stop, listen, and ask questions mostly of yourself and your family. Make sure that your dream is developing into the future that you have set yourself on.

When the exciting becomes mundane, when the thrilling becomes chilling, and the extraordinary becomes everyday you might have gotten side stepped along the way. Life is supposed to be about your individual journey and what ignites your creative drive and feeling of peacefulness. We've been given the perfect guide to make sure we don't get lost along the way. Your body will tell you all too well if you've taken a wrong turn. Listen to it and make an adjustment to get back to where you know you should be.

My senior quote in our Robert Traip Academy Yearbook was 'when life gives you lemons - make lemonade'. I had recently forgotten how that felt to create something good from turmoil. I had been preparing my whole life for lemons, one thing after another and somewhere in all the positive energy of The Little Hat Company I had forgotten how to look beyond the current situation and navigate through it and into a better place. It took a loss of someone close to remind me that it is our story we write not our neighbors', friends', family's, or anyone else's. There are very few things in life that really matter when you come right down to it. Watching my step dad fade away reminded me so deeply of this. It is just money, another opportunity is just around the corner, but the ones you love and care about only come around once on this planet. You are the only one who holds your dream inside and you are the only one who truly knows what matters most to you- keep guard and never let go. Others will share it only for a while but you will hold onto it for a lifetime.

Why aren't you following your dreams?

My mom often tells people that I'm missing a common gene that everyone else has - the gene to think before you leap. She doesn't understand how I keep starting businesses without being fearful of the risks involved. When I get a new idea for a business it starts welling up inside of me. It's like this creative frenzy of energy that just keeps swirling around and around waiting for me to do something about it. I often get agitated in the sense that I can't keep my focus on anything except for things pertaining to this new idea or thought until I take action.

With Oliver Grace Cookie Business this energy consumed me until I baked a huge platter of my peanut butter cookies and brought them down to the Muddy River in Eliot, Maine. From there I found myself baking around the clock for professionals and catered events. My cookies were even sold at Flo's Hot Dogs in Cape Neddick, Maine. The only way I can describe this energy I get is like a static sensation that starts in my heart and shoots out to my arms and legs. Call me crazy but it has been happening to me since I was little. My mom remembers the time I organized a carnival for MD in Spofford, New Hampshire. I had organized a whole slew of activities and white elephant tables for our small village population under 1000 people. I think the event raised $62.00.

The Little Hat Company came about with the same type of frenzy. I was tired, frustrated, and cranky. I wanted a very specific sun hat for my new baby Elizabeth and I wasn't finding it. I pulled into Joanne Fabric's and the rest is history.

People often tell me about their dreams of starting a business or venture and they get this glimmer in their eyes, just like a child and then they talk to me about all the reasons of why they can't do it now. I get it. It's hard to put what you know on hold and to embrace a future with millions and zillions of possible outcomes. But here's the thing and I feel as though I can speak honestly about this because I am in the middle of what people would not think as a positive outcome.

EVERY outcome is good. If you put yourself out there and begin planting seeds for your dream then everything that happens to you and around you is a gift. This was a hard thing to realize and to own at first. When The Little Hat Company was taking off at light speed, we were riding this unbelievable high. We felt like teenagers - no mortality. We thought we could take on anything. Looking back there was little that we were learning about ourselves and our business, we were in the accepting phase. Which is good. It lead us on some amazing journeys. Being open to gifts and opportunities that come your way put you where you need to be. It also puts you in touch with some of the most amazing people on this planet. Always be open to opportunity and what is brought to you - learn to embrace yes.

When challenges come and they will come realize that this struggle is where you will learn the most about yourself and your business. It will also let you know who you work the best with and the level of trust that you will build when working with someone through a difficult situation is indescribable.

One thing that I learned is that it is so important to have a game plan from the beginning. Not necessarily a business plan (although you'll need that too) but a game plan stating what you are expecting to accomplish or gain from putting yourself out there while you build a new business or venture. State it in plain English, "What am I expecting to get out of this adventure and more importantly what am I willing to give up and give out"

You are given your dreams for a reason. The scary part is that you may never know the real reason for your gifts. You could possibly be affecting people in ways that you will never find out about. That is okay! If you follow your dreams and use your gifts and talents in doing so - anything is possible and you will be okay. You will be better than okay you will be satisfied to know that at the end of the day you left nothing on the table. You took up your own destiny with both hands and said "Yes". Own your dreams and follow your destiny - you will know when you are on the right path. You will have a sense of clarity and ease and things will come out of the blue when you need them.

Road blocks and hurdles are put in front of us for a reason. Sometimes we are meant to jump over and others it's time to take another path. Just keep moving towards your dream even when its not so much fun.

Change will come...whether you create it or not.

How do you react to change? My husband said that I embrace change. I feel the most comfortable when the world around me is dynamic and things are being created and shifted. I'm always thinking how can I do something different. I was thinking about my husband this morning and other people who don't like change. Does it mean they never have to deal with change if they go about their daily routines keeping everything the same?

In business whether you embrace it or not change is a constant. Your customers change, your environment changes, and the outside world changes around your business even if you keep everything constant. Somethings are under your control but most are not. When your business is very young you are the one that needs to affect the most change. You must constantly be planting seeds for branding, product development, internal structure and procedure, and thousands of other things. Each new day brings multitudes of decisions that you must make in order to grow and with each new decision brings vast change to your business and yourself. As your business begins to solidify as it gets established you begin to notice changes in your environment having a greater affect on your establishment then the changes you make internally each and every day.

When I first made a summer hat for Libby I had no idea it was about to become a new business. I remember showing Bobby the hat and she asked me to make them for some baby showers she was going to. Then I made two hats for Sue Page. One for Harrison's birthday and one for Sydney as a gift. I barely knew Sue at the time and I still hear her saying 'my mom thinks these are good enough to start a business.' Then Bobby told Jodi at G'Willikers about my hats and she purchased 18. I was in shock! Making hats from my dining room was a pure adrenaline rush. I took the money from the sales and purchased fabrics for the next hats.

Change began to happen quickly as I made decisions. I began to contact stores and sell wholesale. That meant larger orders and more fabric. Sue and I decided to open a retail store. That meant inventory, staffing, and bringing a portion of the business out of my dining room. We decided to let more people into the business. That meant an LLC ( red flag number 3) memberships, payroll, more time needed for management and a series of life changing decisions came one after the other.

Whether you are creating change or waiting for it to come with you, a business will need to react to change. It's best to have a game plan. I never believed in having a business plan but now after seeing the unexpected journey of The Little Hat Company I know that in future endeavors I will always begin with one - a map just in case I find myself lost along the way.

Surround yourself with good people - you'll know all too soon if someone isn't a good fit for your small business.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say I know what a true friend is and how valuable it is to my well being and existence on this planet. The Little Hat Company not only brought amazing business opportunities but brought to me my best friends. I know without a doubt that they will be there when I turn forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, and if they live longer till we are in our nineties. We have just been through the high highs and now the low low's of starting a business and there they still are laughing, crying, and moaning (back aches and flo visits). I have never felt as fortunate in my life as I do now. We come clean with each other and we support each other.

In the beginning of Little Hat it was me with the help of my mom and sister to meet orders and deadlines, but it quickly grew beyond my capabilities. Someone from the time Sue and Barb came on board we quickly swelled up to having 19 part time employees. We'll talk about payroll and compenstation/insurance in another chapter. Here was my method of bringing people into the business. Whether it was right or wrong I hope that I can give you an insight of what path you want to take with your business. Work from your gut, that's what I do. The only difference now is that I am going to educate my gut first before making any major decisions.

Word quickly spread about LHC company and I literally had people calling or approaching me in the store that I didn't know wanting to be a part of this new company. I had no capital and no way of paying Sue for all her immense time and energy so I gave her 30% of the company. We formed a partnership LLC with members. She was given sweat equity for all of her endless hours of hard work and good faith. The next people to come in all made some small wages but were also given much smaller pieces of the pie. I said yes basically to anyone who asked. That was red flag #2. The positive piece was that each person that came to the company had their own amazing talent that added to the exciting story of the business. The negative piece that it made it much more difficult to navigate around personality conflicts.

All people are good and all people do good. I believe this with all my heart and Sue thinks that sometimes I get too carried away with this notion. Here is the real piece of knowledge I would like to pass on to you - I paid a lot of money in counseling to not only hear these coming words but to own them. We are not meant to get along and work with everyone. Certain people mix like oil and water - "they were never meant to mix" So do yourself a favor and the people you are considering to bring into the company- if your gut is saying it's not a match than most likely it's not. It's okay to say no in business.

Cherish the people that do work in your business and work with you to grow support and nuture your dream. If it is truly their dream as well let them in to make decisions and grow your business in ways that you didn't know were possible. Sue created our connection with Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, Cathie facilitated our creating hats for the commissioning event of the USSNH, Deb created the most amazing styles and designs of hats for children and adults, Barb was able to sell ice to Eskimos, Amy took magazine quality photos, Kim Frank became a merchandising genius, everyone found a niche and they were able to do what they did best. Kris became the pied piper of music class and families instantly began looking forward to her classes. I'll never forget her first music class when it was her, myself, and another mom waiting for it to begin and I felt bad for Kris that not more people had shown up and then suddenly no joke a line of at least 2o parents and toddlers started filing in in South Berwick, Maine.

When you start a small business you put a lot of seeds out there and you never know which ones are going to take hold and grow. In the famous words of "Woz" - dude everything is going to be okay you have the greatest people surrounding you. Linda was right and I feel so fortunate to have her as one of my closest friends. Did I tell you she has to be the most organized person in the world?

There is a reason for the season.

I had heard the term cottage industry in and around business articles and segments on the Today Show but I had left the e commerce boom feeling a little resentful and confused. Money is something that people grow up developing very strong feelings and beliefs about and for me growing up in a 'blue collar' home, it was almost looked down upon. People who had a lot of money do not have a strong work ethic or everything in life came easy to them. My dad had his own plumbing and heating business and my mom kept his books and managed his calls throughout the day and late into the evening. I rarely saw my dad when I was little.

I accepted a position at a new technology start-up company just feet away from my previous job at a Health and Fitness Portal partnered with USA Today. It had already taken on a life of its own and when I came into the picture there were close to ten vp's and a team of close to sixty employees. The start up was part of a technology incubator on the west coast. Sky Dayton, founder of Earthlink, was one of the originators of the incubator. The energy was amazing and there was an incredible amount of talk about what we were all going to do when the company went public. With 10 million in seed money, the company was destined to be a huge overnight success. Flash forward a little more than a year, I'm now seven months pregnant and our company still has not perfected its product. In fighting between the vp's has reached an all time high and the destiny of the start up is written all over our cute ikea furniture. I remember walking out of my exit interview with the co-founders with my lamp and laptop, belly bulging, thinking I'm never going to work for someone else again. I had survived to the last round of layoffs but hardly felt comforted by the fact it was the first time in my life I had ever been let go from a position at a company.

Steve looked at my severance check and then my belly and said why don't you just stay home with Aaron and the baby and we will see if we can make it. It took me off guard. I had never thought about not working. The idea of being able to stay home with my baby started growing on me and looking back it was the best thing that could have happened. Anna was born and then just a few months later I was nursing her on the couch watching the Today Show, Michael Jordan was coming back to the NBA when news broke about the Twin Towers. Aaron was at Mitchell School and I was truly afraid. I had just been let go from a job where I traveled from Boston to LA, to Florida for the day, and appointments all over the country. I was never so thankful to be out of a job and sitting on my couch holding my baby.

With each of my children, not on purpose I have started a business. I think the creative energy that flows through a mom after experiencing childbirth is nothing short of amazing. Anything is possible - I wrote two childrens' books, started a basket business, a cookie business, and a little hat company. All of which were never intended. One act led to another and before I knew it I had a logo, some business cards, and a website. There were other businesses that I started thrown in between all of this: jellybeans interactive (a self publishing content site), a landscaping business, and a marketing consulting business but none of them seemed to stick for more than a couple of years. That is except for one, The Little Hat Company. I had heard the term Cottage Industry many times, but had not realized that I had been living within the Industry for more than ten years.

Looking back on my career: Forbes Marketing Group, Copier Sales, Swedish Herbal Institute, Franchise Solutions/Be HealthyNow.com, PrimeCare, and eFavorites then sprinkled and mashed with my own start up companies I'm starting to see stepping stones to my future. When I was knee deep in the mix of all these crazy insane little companies I constantly questioned "what am I going to do with my life?". It didn't feel like I was on a path that made sense. As The Little Hat Company began growing at warp speed I was able to take different pieces from all of my experiences and make sense of what was happening to us at LHC. It was often familiar territory in the weirdest sense of the word. Each business is unique like a child but certain experiences and new faces at LHC seemed oddly familiar.

All of this rambling to say when you find yourself in a situation or place in life that you just can't seem to dig in and make sense of try to stay open to all of the experiences it brings. You may not know why or what is the purpose now but believe you me friend there is a reason for the season. Embrace it!

A penny saved is a penny earned.

"In God We Trust" I guess you could say that when The Little Hat Company first started the energy around the growing business was consuming. Our adrenaline was flowing full force and for the first year on any given night you could catch, Sue, Barb, and I painting, schlepping boxes, moving furniture, cutting fabric, sewing, or sending emails to at least 2:00am. Everything was moving at warped speed and just when we thought it couldn't speed up - it did. It was amazing how at first we just rolled up our sleeves and got it done.

Barb has the spirit of a relentless warrior with the most courageous of hearts. She never questioned why, just "what time and where are we getting together."

Sue is our constant comedian to keep the air light and filled with laughter. I can remember painting at our original location one night after midnight, we were exhausted and giddy when a furry little creature scurried across the floor in front of me. I freaked and Sue said "I'm not afraid of a mouse". She instantly took my fear away and I saw the humor in the situation. We were flying blind in the beginning. It was never our intent to open a toy store, nor a second location, and even a third event space but circumstance and serendipity seemed to lead us into some amazing situations.

I believe in business that when someone or some business ask if you can do something the automatic response is 'yes' - Cathie McCoomb will verify how passionately I live by this statement. Here's my first adjustment in creating business - A penny saved is a penny earned. It's not just enough to have faith that everything will work out for the best and the money will come through in sales, or credit. It's important to value your business and believe in its future by setting aside some cash from the very beginning. Don't think of it as keeping cash away from the growing process of your biz. Think of your savings as a way of knowing that the most incredible, unpredictable opportunities WILL be coming your way and you don't want anything to prevent you from saying 'yes' to the good ones.

When you are spending saved money it is a motivating force to spend a little more time evaluating the amazing opportunity and making sure that you are considering whether or not the benefits outweigh the risks. This is your baby. You are mother hen. Don't ever be embarrassed not to be in position to take advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity. If it is meant for you and your business it will roll back around.

SAVE 10% of monies in when you start selling and collecting from revenue streams. So quickly will it attract new monies and put you in a position of control over the destiny of your business.

What happens when it's time to say Uncle?

There is a picture of a horse in green drawn by my eight year old above my computer. It's a simple outline and below it reads, "Never Give Up". The horse came to me about a year ago when Anna without a lot of commotion or hype simply tacked up the picture of the horse in front of my face. Wow what insight for a little one. It's funny, well ironic, because it's the one thing that my father would say to us over and over again until we were blue in the face. "Don't be a quitter...never give up." I think his actual saying was, "You're not allowed to say can't."

I struggled with this way of life for at least the last year of selling toys and hats. I found myself smack dab in the middle of this company that had basically turned my way of life upside down, inside out, and stretched beyond my wildest imagination. For the first two years of building the business and being open to anything and everything that came down the pike I had the most fun and met the greatest people. There is a huge misconception that I became instantly rich. It's quite the opposite. I'm sure anyone who has started a company "non-capitalized" will understand. Red flag number one - starting a new business with credit cards.

Gathering my thoughts, memories, experiences, and most importantly lessons learned is just as much for me as for others out there starting their very own business adventure. I'm hoping to reach people that may be able to alter their own learning curve slightly as they build their business so that The Little Hat Company was not for not and just maybe will become a case study for the do's and don'ts of building a company around a strong product, service, and or principle. The Little Hat Company was built from pure drive, passion, love, and a lot of serendipity. Now with a few lessons learned, I am learning how I could have protected it from the beginning. Since LHC is not moving forward I am happy to be sharing some of its perspective with you. I'm looking forward and I'm definitely taking everything I've learned with me into the future.

I knew without a doubt when it became time to say "Uncle". What I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't saying "Uncle" to my way of life, being an entrepreneur/chief story teller, I was saying "Uncle" to a certain chapter in my career. The Little Hat Company had run its purpose and it became time to move on.